well that was an emotionally exhausting week. I don’t remember feeling that tired in a long time. to top it off, I ate not-so-great (as in REALLY great 😉 ) foods that I’ve been pretty self controlled about avoiding the past few weeks to “cover” my emotions… and wow that was a bad idea. ever do that to yourself?
though it was only 4 days, my brother (right above me) came to visit the family with his fiance. as much as having visitors wears me out in general, it wasn’t that that was a big deal even. it was the fact that my brother is taking off for US Army Basic Training the day after he leaves us. it jumped up on all of us, too. he’s always been drawn to the military and his personality is more private than most of us, so making a huge decision like this is very important to him and I think it helped him to kind of make the decision on his own. he’s been preparing and working toward this goal, so even if we had much more warning, I don’t think we’d feel much different anyway. if anyone has the guts and strength to do this and the determination to set his mind to this, it’s him.
so the thing is, I didn’t plan on being super emotional this weekend. I didn’t even get super nervous when he first told us he was enlisting. I know God will protect him from harm if it’s His will. I spent time in the word, and I even took time to prepare beforehand for what was coming. my two close friends called to check up on me and see if I was excited or nervous for the weekend visit! I told them I really thought I’d be good and nothing was really hitting me the way it usually does.
that is until I was with him in person. wow I love him so much. even when he aggravates me and even when he’s passive. even when he makes dumb mistakes. even when he’s grumpy and tired and complain-y. I’m sure if you have siblings you know exactly what I mean – there’s really not much that keeps you from feeling the way you do about a protective brother. he’s been gone for quite a while, living away from home in different states, learning what it’s like to grow up just a few steps ahead of me. but still this somehow feels like it’s going to be so far out of reach ! not that I think anything is out of reach from our Father’s hands, but still it’s hard for my young heart to process. it’s easy to say, “time will fly by,” but it’s really more to me about the time he’s away and the things he will go through. it’s such an unknown and though he is fearless and mentally prepared to do anything, even he is not fully informed of the things ahead.
I guess my biggest fear is the spiritual trials he will face. reminds me of the verse in ephesians 6 – “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” v 12. the agenda of our society is to pull us away from our true Hope. I get pulled into a depressive attitude if I don’t keep reading, “13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. 14 Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. 16In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; 17 and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, 18 praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication.”
thankful for the blessing of a few last-minute days to hug him a little tighter and get to know him a little better.
I am thankful for God’s promises for us in scripture time and time again. I am amazed He gifted me with my brother and has prepared him for this time. yes, it will be relatively short compared to some things, but when you feel this much love in your heart for someone, its extremely hard to watch them walk into a journey like this. I will have to choose each day to be JOYful and remember what God is doing in and through him !
will you join me in fervent prayer as he departs tomorrow? pray that God would protect both his physical body and his faith and that he will cling to the word over and over. I know it will be tested and tried – but my honest prayer is for him to emerge with a confident faith that brings glory to our King because of it.
I love you Joshua. I am so proud of you. Be strong and courageous, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
anna cherie